Working in local news has never been a source of pride for me. In fact, before I started working at KSHB, I never even watched local news because I felt it was beneath me. And, after working in local news for three and a half years nothing has convinced me otherwise. Local news is one of the lowest forms of human communication, somewhere between armpit noises and burping the national anthem. But I have never been embarrassed about what I do for a living, either. Yes, it’s insipid and the priorities are way out of whack (dropping important national and international stories in favor of some really cool dash cam video of a wreck.) It has become little more than a glorified best-of-you-tube clip show, but on the whole, it’s an honest living. Generally, any issues I have with what we do are issues that I have with local news and what journalism has become in this country as a whole. For the most part, the people I work with at KSHB are very good at what they do and I’ve been proud of them.

But a few weeks ago, that changed. On Thursday, February the 7th, however, for the first time, I was actually ashamed of where I worked, what I did and who I had the misfortune to call a co-worker. It was a new feeling, knowing that I was taking part in something that was just plain wrong. Sinful, immoral, unethical, pick your adjective. Sweeps pieces are often over-hyped, overblown and self-important, which is to be expected, but for the most part they are harmless. Once in a very long while, these pieces can be helpful. There are times when the public at large should be made aware of people who are trying to hurt them or rip them off. Keith King and Jenn Strathman actually do some very good work in this area. And again, I’m proud to work alongside them. This past Thursday was different. The story that was put on by Aaron Keller, NBC Action News Investigator and fuckface extraordinaire was distended, which is to be expected for a sweeps piece, but it was much worse than that. Sinister even. Instead of the usual hyping up something and airing a bloated story, he went on TV and did very real harm to some people who have not done anything illegal, immoral or in any way improper.

The story was about teachers’ myspace pages. The viewer was told by this pathetic, dickless excuse for a TV personality (I refuse to use the term ‘journalist’ because it doesn’t apply.) that it was shocking, yes shocking, that the women who teach our children, when they’re off the clock, go out to bars with their friends, make out with their boyfriends, hold parties at their downtown lofts where adults are going to be consuming adult beverages, and even (gasp) swearing! I’m not even going to get into the underlying misogyny of only singling out women. Apparently, we’re supposed to be outraged that our children can go online, hop onto myspace and find out that their grown-up teachers engage in adult activities. The logic is that our children must be protected at all costs. Protected from what exactly?

It’s supposed to be shocking that these profiles of private citizens, leading their private lives are available to anyone on the internet. Yeah, well so is porn, fucknuts. If you’re letting your kids just go online and look around unchecked, then the possibility that they might find out that their teachers go to parties with their friends and make out with their boyfriends is the least of your worries. It gets very old very fast when people seem to think it’s the legislature’s job to protect children. If you’re talking about going after sexual predators or violent criminals, then yes, it is the state’s job to take care of that. But when it comes to how children are raised, what’s put into their minds, etc., everybody needs to back the fuck off. That responsibility belongs to us as parents and nobody else.

A few months ago, Ethan came home from school talking about a video his friends had been watching online called 2 girls, 1 cup. He wanted to know if it was okay for him to watch. See how that works? We actually talk together about what he is and is not allowed to look at online. Yes, it takes time and effort, but that’s parenting. At any rate, I had him leave the room while I checked out the video. It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my 33 years on this planet and I’ve seen a lot. Fortunately, Ethan didn’t look at it because I take it upon myself to monitor what he looks at instead of leaving it to the legislature and just trusting that they’ll keep his fragile little mind safe. It blows my mind that his friends had watched this video online. The only way to make sure children don’t look at inappropriate content is for each parent to take it upon themselves to monitor what their child watches. Otherwise, you’re stuck with limiting what people can and can not say and do and we can not go down that road.

The way that Aaron Keller treated these poor women is indefensible. Investigative journalism is about exposing corruption and letting the public know about things that might hurt them. When was it reduced to intimidating and bullying people who haven’t done anything wrong? At one point, when he is confronting one of the teachers, she looks and sounds truly frightened of what might happen to her because of this report. She was very close to tears. And all I could think as I looked at Aaron Keller, sitting smugly at the news desk, watching his own piece on the monitor as it went out over the air was, ‘wow, what a tiny, tiny cunt of a human being.’

And to make matters worse, cockface took it on himself to contact the legislature. Of course, he found some tight assed busybody in the state legislature to agree with him and insist that something had to be done for the good of the children.

Another thing that struck me was just how uneven the piece was. Christ, did this prick ever take anything even resembling a journalism class? Where the fuck was the other side? Nobody from a teacher’s union or the ACLU to say that these people have the freedom to live their lives and that none of this shit is the superintendent’s business or the legislature’s business?

What also seemed to be unclear is what exactly Aaron Keller seemed to think the problem was. At one point, he spoke of a law from 1969 requiring teachers to live up to a certain moral standard. So is he saying that teachers shouldn’t be drinking at all? Later, he argues that their profiles are not set to private and that this is the problem. At one point, it seems that he thinks that they should be allowed to enjoy these grown-up activities as long as they don’t let anybody know about it. Should teachers be free to lead their private lives as long as they don’t publicize it? What exactly are you suggesting they do, you Taylor Hicks looking motherfucker? He’s just all over the place here. Aside from the lack of ethics this piece had it was also just very sloppy.

I truly believe that every journalist, (and in dicklicker’s case, the word “journalist” belongs inside of huge sarcastic quote marks) should wear bracelets like Christians do, except instead of WWJD, they’d say WWERMD? That’s an easy one. He would turn in his grave, climb up out, make his way to Kansas City and punch Aaron fuckball Keller right in the junk. Kansas City deserves to have a media that does its job. We need actual journalists. What we can do without is a tiny, petty tight-assed, stalker-like busybody cunt like Aaron Keller.